Brazen Hussies ~ Giganticus ~ Barbie

Who's into all SORTS of far out thangs (find out about her soon to be high flying sci fi e-zine at Con-Tour and get the scoop on some TRES amazing gatherings at her Fantasm site)

A business associate of mine and I have heated discussions about what he calls "the baseline of humanity" . Since I am a woman, I can put this in a clearer, more eloquent and rational way: "How much are certain behaviors inherently male or female?"

I found that the answer, or at least the complexity behind the question, can be illustrated by Ken and Barbie. Yes, THAT Ken and THAT Barbie.

It happened like this. I was strolling through a certain large discount store, when I rounded the corner at the hardware section, cruised past the toy section, and suddenly spied Barbie and Ken. They were in a special commemorative "Star Trek" set. The costumes seemed authentic, even down to the velour (yep, the same damn velour that Spock, Kirk and the rest wore) that the little doll sized tops are made of...even Barbie's hair is in that Yeoman Rand basket weave 'do.

My first reaction was "how cute".! My second reaction was: "Wow! What an excellent marketing ploy, combining two pop culture icons like Barbie and the USS Enterprise!" Even though this little doll does promote an unrealistic female body image, how can any hussy dislike her? She is an independent career minded gal with a keen fashion sense, two brazen qualities I certainly admire.

Then, it began to sink in.... hmmm. Something was amiss. And when I realized what it was, you could have knocked me over with a tribble! Barbie was wearing a red engineering uniform, while Ken wsa decked out in a gold COMMAND uniform.

Excuse the phaser out of me, but shouldn't Barbie be the leader here??! Hasn't she always been the main character when it come to everything, well, BARBIE??! Ken has, frankly, acted as a mere fashion accessory to our main gal. I mean, maybe Ken got the gold because he resembles Kirk, but that would be a little silly. Kirk is a chauvenistic womanizer who always got the girl. But I thought EVERYONE knew that Ken is gay. He only dates Barbie to keep his ultraconservative relatives from asking too many questions.

(Perhaps Star Fleet has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, and Barbie is the perfect cover girl. And, of course, Barbie only dates Ken because he is a convenient date, he dresses well, and he likes to shop. Does Barbie suspect that Ken is gay? I'll bet that she doesn't care. She is just glad to date someone who doesn't expect her to put out.... but I digress.)

Don't get me wrong. Engineering is a noble profession. Scotty held that ship together with dental floss and chewing gum more than once. Maybe Barbie is really INTO engineering. Maybe she willingly passed up the chance to command. And maybe Ken is really into being dominant, something that Barbie doesn't give him the chance to do very often.

But what IS the message that Mattel and Paramount are sending here? It reminds me of that Classic Trek episode entitled "Turnabout Intruder", in which we learn that Star Fleet does not allow women to command starships. I am not sure why a penis is so important when commanding a starship. Considering how often the needs of Kirk's penis outweighed the needs of the many, you would think a penis would be an unwelcome distraction. Anyway, Kirk's female nemesis, Dr. Janice Lester (played by Sandra Smith), switches bodies with Kirk so that she may attain the prized penis and then be allowed to command the Enterprise. This episode gave William Shatner the chance to act REALLY queeny and flouncy, and gave our female guest star the chance to act...well, normal. So, the masculine is that which is normal, stable, and sane...while the feminine is that which is...not masculine? See where I am heading with this? No, I don't want to go there either.

Let's just say that Janeway should thank her lucky stars we finally got THAT silly policy all straightened out.